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Is all truly “fair” in Love and Divorce?
Once you realize that you are headed toward a potential divorce or
separation, your thoughts will turn to the future and fears of your new
reality. You may think, “I don’t make enough money to live on my own” or
“How much of my income will I have to give up to support my spouse and
the kids?” or “I’ll be living in poverty”. You may feel like you’re thrust into a
world of frightening unknowns. Despite the stereotypes around revengeful
and nasty divorces, my experience is that the vast majority of couples truly
and sincerely want what’s fair for all involved.

The problem is that every person’s idea of “fair” is different. Depending on
how much emotional turmoil the couple has been through, or the lingering of
perceived wrongs and apologies that remain unspoken, each spouse’s
concept of “fair” may be clouded by years of conflict and resentment. This is
the simple truth that has created a multi-billion-dollar divorce industry. I
think there is a different answer.

What if you let go of the need for fairness? I know it sounds crazy, but try
this on for size. What if each party didn’t worry about what they were “giving
up” to the other person or what their spouse was “getting,” but instead they
sit down with a certified divorce financial analyst and simply figure out what
they need for themselves to be financially comfortable, stable and secure?
And then the couple can work with a mediator and start from there? It
doesn’t have to be “equal” to be “fair,” it just has to be acceptable and
workable for everyone involved. That is a truly a win/win solution.
Let go of the traditional concepts of equal or fair. Focus on the next phase
of your life and how you can move on in a healthy, happy way that will
preserve your family unit, and your financial security, for the future.